Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize