So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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