yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
