i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
