oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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