Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
