i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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