WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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