Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
