that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
