uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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