i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
