I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
