So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
