ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
