whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
