Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
