I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
