Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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