just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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