literally had 100 drinks last night.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
