I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
