I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
