i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
