oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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