Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
