After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
