You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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