He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Randomize