Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
