and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
