It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
