that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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