Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
