glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Be still, my beating vagina.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
50% drunk capacity currently
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
