oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She is in my trunk
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
