that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
