i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize