would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
