every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sext me about skeletons
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
