Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
