I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
