When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
