im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
