so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
