I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize