I just pynch a tree in the face
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
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You. Win. At. Life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So much rum. So many feels.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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