There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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