I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
