Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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