I swear she didn't look like that last week.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
