hell yes lets make some ravioli
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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