I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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