I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
