So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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