I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
