i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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