life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
