It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
