dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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