I just cut my nipple shaving
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
