We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
