It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
